Carter, our resident 60-year-old computer nerd, lives up on the second floor, a digital king in a chaotic castle. You can spot him bombing around town on his little electric razor scooter, perpetually glued to his trademark knit wool hat and burdened by a backpack full of charging cables and dreams. His office is any coffee shop desperate enough to offer free Wi-Fi.
When he's working from home, we all know it. Not because he's typing loudly, but because he clomps down the stairs with his colossal noise-canceling headphones just to step outside for a smoke break. The backdoor has become the sacred social/smoking spot, a chaotic haven free from the surveillance of Big Earl, who monitors the front with the intensity of a cold war satellite.
Because my room is strategically located at the bottom of the staircase, I am blessed with the audio experience of Carter dragging his 50-pound metal scooter up and down the antique stairs twice a day. It sounds less like transportation and more like an old-timey jailbreak.
It’s interesting to note that of the 20 grown men living here, only half even have a functional vehicle (and yes, that counts Sal’s permanently deceased white van). The rest rely on old fashion petal Bikes or costly Ubers.
We are a mile from the blessed hub of civilization—downtown, the train station, and the bus stops. It's not a bad walk... until you realize that a "mile" turns into a Slog of Agony when you’re hauling laundry detergent and two weeks' worth of groceries back in the freezing cold and snow. It's the reason Sal performs his ritualistic hand-washing of clothes, and why Davy has chosen the far superior, low-maintenance option of simply never washing his clothes.
The Streaming Fiasco
In this post-cable era, living east of NYC with only three or four free TV channels is a complete farce. Streaming on Roku is our chosen, affordable savior. When we gather out back, non-smokers and smokers alike, the main topic isn't philosophy or finance—it's “What free streaming channels did you find this week?”
Carter, the savvy digital fox, survives by cycling through premium channel free trials, binging content, and canceling precisely 29 days later. It's a glorious, fiscally responsible ritual you can usually repeat every couple of years.
But even streaming requires internet—and good internet at that. My initial, sweet $40-a-month deal was a blissful reprieve from the $200 bills my "normal" friends pay for cable/internet bundles. Of course, that deal evaporated, and the price hiked to $80. My genius, however, was in the capitalist solution: I now charge two neighbors $20 each to siphon off my Wi-Fi, netting me a $40 subsidy. Score one for the New Fiasco!
The biggest issue with streaming is live sports, it requires a premium subscription or a cable contract that costs $100+ a month. We can't watch anything on the four major networks, except for news and re-runs. It's ludicrous. MLB streeming channel does do a 3 - 10 minute mini fast cast. This is how I watch the world series, or I can listen on the radio like my great grandfather did.
Speaking of ludicrous: Davy just got a new TV. He keeps bugging everyone to "hook it up." He doesn't grasp that he needs to buy an HD antenna, a cable subscription, or my subsidized internet to make the shiny box work. But honestly, even if we could explain it, no one is volunteering for the job because walking into his room requires gloves and a military-grade gas mask.
WTF: WHAT THE FIASCO!
